‘Sheriff, if I am not mistaken, the disguised female companion of “Mr Sogguth” at the dance was the PM’s amanuensis’s spouse. Even wearing that ridiculous mask, she could not hide her signature gestures—and her superintelligent, sparkling blue eyes.’
Straight shot up in his chair, almost knocking his own pint over. ‘I hate to admit it, but Crenshaw is right! And that insight leads to another logical deduction—that her masked partner was her devoted husband. The pair danced divinely, as if they were made for each other.’
Fatty Millstone cocked his head to one side as he seemed to be considering the two tabloid reporters for a moment. ‘So what do you gentlemen derive from your adroit observations, assuming for the nonce you both have hit the marks?’
Crenshaw’s mind was clearly working fast to arrive at a brilliant conclusion before Straight answered. He blurted out, ‘If neither Sogguth nor his future bride were among the guests at a ball given in his honour...’
Straight finished the thought, ‘Then they must have been somewhere else doing something most important—and very secret—for which the ball was merely their cover.’
The sheriff stood and clapped his hands, gesturing for the waitresses to top off everyone’s pints while he took a stroll in the park. By this stratagem, he avoided answering the news hounds’ inevitable questions. He knew that, once on a scent, they would not relent until the whole truth or some parody of it came out in their newspapers.
Fatty left by the back door and walked the short distance to the greensward. As the deviser of the secret project for which the mask had been meant as the cover, he needed to gather his wits to come up with a plausible story for Sogguth and his fiancée to have both been absent. Ironically, their being involved in a black project investigating a malign alien presence halfway around the world was the last ‘truth’ the MP would have wanted divulged.
In similar cases where national security mandated discretion, the open cover story had to be transparent and logical from all angles. Further, the key individuals most responsible for the cover story’s viability had to be telling the same version of the tale. It took the sheriff forty-five minutes to construct the cover story, but he spent another equal interval testing it from all possible angles. Then he stopped by the archives, where the PM’s amanuensis spent most of his daylight hours.
The amanuensis and his wife were fortuitously present at the archives, so the sheriff only needed to rehearse the cover story once after telling the couple why the deception was necessary. The three discussed the story at length before the amanuensis raced to Parliament to brief the PM while Fatty returned to the Cracked Bell to stifle any rumours that might have arisen in his absence.
Crenshaw and Straight were prepared to ambush the sheriff upon his return to his customary table. Crenshaw spoke for both of them: ‘Sheriff, you have attempted to baffle the press with a grand ruse. Admit it! And tell us why we should not expose your deceitfulness at our earliest opportunity.’
The sheriff, having prepared himself for this accusation, replied, ‘It should be no surprise to anyone that Mr Sogguth and his fiancée planned to be married. The question was where and when that would occur. Please correct me if I am wrong.’
Straight said, ‘To that fact, we must agree. But the couple’s absence from a state occasion celebrating Mr Sogguth’s heroic exploits seems highly suspicious. Our readers deserve to know the truth about the matter in tomorrow’s tabloids.’
The sheriff summoned the waitress to top off everyone’s pint again. Then he said, ‘Would you believe the couple wanted to say their vows in private rather than in public?’
Crenshaw nodded. ‘I would believe that—and I would also believe they would want to keep their honeymoon plans private as well.’
‘So why are you still not satisfied that there is no real story here? To keep their elopement, marriage and honeymoon private, Mr Sogguth and his fiancée chose not to attend the masked ball in their honour but eluded all publicity by travelling abroad instead.’
Straight said, ‘You might at least have briefed us on the matter. Now our readers will think the government had something to hide behind what was actually an attempt to avoid publicity.’
‘To that I say, mea culpa!’
Straight said, ‘So you don’t deny having foreknowledge of the elopement of the couple?’
‘I do not deny it, no. But I see no obligation for me to tell you or anyone where they have gone or when they will return.’
The reporters looked daggers at the sheriff. Then Straight said, ‘We happen to know the authorities have taken an Oxbridge professor into custody and confiscated the relics from his latest dig. I have tried vainly to discover what the ruckus means. Can you shed any light on this matter? Specifically, can you tell us the incarceration and confiscation are unrelated to the disappearance of Sogguth and his bride?’
‘Gentlemen, you are making my head spin with your allegations. You have jumped from an elopement to a matter having nothing whatever to do with either the bride or the groom.’
‘Can you explain why the authorities are invoking the Official Secrets Act when we ask for details or for access to the professor?’
‘I won’t make any statement about a matter whose facts have been sealed by the Act. You know the rules as well as I do.’
‘Our sources have told us that a Special Operations group lifted off from one of our most secret bases to a destination unknown. Given it is highly unlikely the nuptial pair would have accompanied that group, we are bewildered by the flurry of coincidences that converged on the occasion of the masked ball.’
Sheriff Millstone’s right eyebrow raised ominously. ‘I am tempted to have you and your sources arrested for your clear violations of the Secrets Act. What do you say to that?’
Crenshaw said, ‘Let’s not go that far, Sheriff. We mean no harm by our questions. We only seek answers to satisfy the curiosity of our readers.’
Straight, who was always more forthright than his colleague, said, ‘Let’s be realistic. A preponderance of evidence suggests that extremely unusual activities occurred during the last three days. The very fact that the Official Secrets Act has been invoked implies national security was probably violated in some fashion. Sheriff, I cannot unlearn what I have learned.’
‘Fair enough, Mr Straight. But your duty as a citizen supersedes your duty as a newspaper reporter. Once you think you have enough to make a case, bring your materials to me. I shall convene a group to adjudicate whether you can proceed to publish them. Now, please join in a round as we toast the health of the king!’
Late that afternoon when Fatty slipped into the hot tub in his tenement basement, he explained what had happened to his wife, Sarah, and to Dr Prbzt and his spouse.
Sarah said, ‘It was a good idea to throw the tabloid men off the scent, but they will persevere.’
Ibngort chuckled. ‘I had no idea Sogguth and his fiancée were about to elope. If I had known, I would have bought them a wedding present.’
Fatty said, ‘As a matter of fact, I had no notion his fiancée would accompany him. That must have been Sogguth’s idea.’
Sarah said, ‘There is no better way to get to know someone you intend to share the rest of your life with than to take a long space voyage with them.’ She had eloped with her first husband to honeymoon on an exomoon in space, so she knew whereof she spoke.
While they bathed, Charles, who was leading activities in the command centre, came to inform everyone that a coded message had arrived from Sogguth. The decrypted text was as follows: ‘We are proceeding to the Universe Council. By now you know my fiancée is accompanying me, and we have been married by the captain of our spacecraft. This was not as we originally intended, but I could not leave her behind when I had no idea when, if ever, I would return to Earth. Please inform my spouse’s parents of this as they are liable to be worried needlessly. When we reach the Council, I shall be in a position to introduce my new wife to my family and to give her firsthand knowledge of the machinations of the Council. Separately, I shall report on my cousin’s interrogation, which indicates caution about the current intentions of the Council.’
Fatty said, ‘The more I learn about Sogguth, the more I like what I learn. He is an officer and a gentleman. He knows how to take the initiative. We could not have a better agent inside the Council. Sarah, tomorrow you and I shall visit Sogguth’s wife’s family to impart the good news.’
Sarah rolled her eyes. ‘Perhaps you should answer Sogguth’s message?’
‘Ahem. Yes. Charles, are you ready to take dictation?’
‘Yes, I am. Start whenever you like.’
‘ “My Dear Mr Sogguth,
‘ “Your message was received here intact. Thank you for informing us about your marriage, for which we all congratulate you both heartily! Tomorrow, Sarah and I shall visit your wife’s family to impart the good news. I shall answer your subsequent message when I have received it.
‘ “Fatty Millstone, Sheriff.” ’
Charles repeated the message verbatim. Then he went back to encode it and transmit it. Meanwhile, he received and decoded Sogguth’s second message, which was a wakeup call for Earth:
‘For Sir Douglas Hudibras, PM, and Sheriff Fatty Millstone. My implemented interrogations of the Council’s mission leader and his associates [recordings attached in their entirety] reveal the following: The faction favouring harsh measures to subject Earth’s population and impose alien rule has a slight majority at the Universe Council. The recent mission was the first of numerous planned evolutions to accomplish their aims. The crash of the first landing group was understood as foul-weather-induced, and it will not be regarded as an attack by Earth on the Council. The surviving second landing group will be interrogated [as will my spouse and me] to validate our message accounts to the Council. I have documented the views and identities of the two factions of the Council [full report attached]. Recommendation to PM: Make all preparations to counter prolonged alien invasion of Earth. Very respectfully, Sogguth.’
Fatty immediately dispatched two of his clones to invite the PM and his wife and his amanuensis and his spouse to a late-night frolic in the hot tub. The word frolic was the code word Fatty and the PM were to use in an emergency situation.
One hour after the clones reached them, the invited guests were received at the tenement’s front door. They used the dressing rooms to change into their swimwear before they slipped into the tub. When Fatty had briefed the PM thoroughly, Sir Douglas apologised to his amanuensis and his spouse, saying they were to dry off and proceed to the command centre where Charles would provide all the attachments to Sogguth’s correspondence for their immediate perusal.
‘Sheriff, there is no question of the gravity of Mr Sogguth’s second message. Under the circumstances, I must alert the King and convene a War Cabinet to perform a threat assessment and analysis of alternatives.’
Fatty listened intently and said, ‘Above all, we do not want to induce a panic. Yet we must take strong steps that lead to a long-term readiness to combat the alien invasion.’
‘How do you suggest that we prepare?’ the PM asked.
‘Let’s plan for a series of drills against an unspecified threat from space—to assess the nation’s general readiness. Naturally, we must augment our standing forces and their active reserves, our logistical support and materiel readiness, including munitions and our stockpiles.’
The PM said, ‘Even amongst our most seasoned warriors, we lack the corporate memory of what mobilisation meant.’
‘Yet we must learn how we must mobilise now with all the advantages we have gained since the last Great War. The only way to proceed is by bringing together the best and brightest young people under a unified command. The people will rally, but we cannot waste their time or our treasure.’
‘Tomorrow I shall ask for an audience with the King. His wisdom and charisma will help us begin.’
The PM and his wife departed to prepare for a busy tomorrow. Meanwhile, the PM’s amanuensis and his spouse remained in the command centre all through the night. They understood the implications of the materials they were processing. Fatty offered them the guest room adjacent to their centre and told them they should bring their child and its nanny as well.
The next morning, the Millstones visited the parents of the spouse of Sogguth. They were relieved to know what had become of their daughter, but they were realistic about the risks she might not return from her journey into deep space with her new husband.
The idea of an audience between the PM and the King made everyone in the nation apprehensive. Only the King could rise to the occasion, and he did so in a radio speech he might have prepared for instant delivery whenever the need arose. It was an appeal to patriotism in a time of tribulation and war. The upshot, in his judgment, was to be ready for whatever should come.
The monarch said, ‘This is not a general alarm, but a warning. When trouble comes in our time, we must be ready to respond. Therefore, I ask every citizen to look into the depths of his or her being to martial courage and harbour resources as prudently as possible. It is not a biblical judgment we face, but it could well be the next thing to it. We shall drill as we have not done in many years. And we shall affirm and confirm our alliances. We shall know how our readiness improves by the days and weeks of preparation. We have within us what is required. I only ask that you persevere as we prepare and remember who we are.’
In the back of the Cracked Bell pub where the speaker was mounted for the King’s speech, you could feel the surge of patriotism in the customers, who broke into cheers when the message was over. Even Crenshaw applauded, and no one complained when Fatty announced, ‘Drinks on the house!’ and watched the crowd go wild.
